Halfway

  1. I wanted nothing. I was in want of nothing.
  2. Isn’t that how it always begins? Isn’t that how
  3. the mind allows the body to have what it wants?
  4. The trees leaning in over the railing of the deck,
  5. their leaves whispering like the friends leaning in
  6. trying to eavesdrop—one autumn night, one smile,
  7. one terrible fumble of hands and one bottle of wine.
  8. The trees were interested and not remotely interested.
  9. One kiss. One kiss on the cheek and one left to bruise
  10. my neck like something from a bad romance novel.
  11. But here, more than a decade later, I am still falling for you.
  12. Can I say that now? Can I say that with a straight face?
  13. A visit to the dunes to argue about music at midnight
  14. —the Pacific, trying its best to drown us out— was all
  15. I needed for confirmation. I am easy that way.
  16. But by the time you quoted Yeats to finish my own sentence,
  17. nothing could have saved me. Sometimes, what one
  18. least wants is what one gets. I wanted to be alone,
  19. to have time to fall in love with myself all over again.
  20. I wanted nothing to do with another man. I wanted
  21. nothing. But here we are over a decade later.
  22. Out over the Pacific, the fog holds its position.
  23. The lone ship skirts the horizon but always aware
  24. of its final destination. And where on God’s earth
  25. are we heading? I admit it now. I admit it. See?
  26. The final destination was never really important.
  27. Halfway, they say, just halfway there.
  28. And still, I want you to take me all the way.